ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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