so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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