You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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