so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
