Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
