is your mom at the bar?
My room smells like vodka and shame
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
