i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I had to cum in my sink.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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