You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
