He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
