i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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