I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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