I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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