Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
