When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I cut my penus on the lid.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
