you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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