Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
