i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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