i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
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