just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
