So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
