I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
