I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
