Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
