We won't sleep together?
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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