You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
