just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Randomize
