I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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