Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
