Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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