this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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