I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
