I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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