I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
