I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
