i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
