so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
