How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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