Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
