My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
