I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
