things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
