wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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