Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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