Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Vodka?
Forever.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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