I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize