We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
