I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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