so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Randomize
