So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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