So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
