my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
