I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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