So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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