I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
