carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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