if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
