just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
They have beer where we have blood.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
