but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
