a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
