some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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