When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Randomize
