there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
