Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
My pussy is not your playground.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
