just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
