just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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