I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
