Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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