Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
