I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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