So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
