I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
