all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
