Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
